SPIRITUAL DIRECTION UNVEILED
For nearly two millennia, spiritual direction was a practice mostly familiar to Catholics, and mostly to monks, priests, and nuns, at that. In the late 20th century, however, spiritual direction started to become popular with protestants, followers of Judaism, Buddhism, and other faiths, and even with people identified as “Spiritual but Not Religious.”
Today, while many more people have heard of the term, most are still not clear about what spiritual direction is. If you are among them, read on. I’ll cover the basics here.
Terms.
Spiritual directors are experienced seekers who accompany others on their spiritual journey.
Spiritual seekers are persons who search for insights into the big questions in life: Who are we, where did we come from, why are we here, how should we live, why do we suffer, where are we going and, most important, who created all of this and what is our relationship to it—it being God, Spirit, Source, Higher Power, Consciousness, or whatever else you choose to call it.
The spiritual journey, or walking the spiritual path, consists of the actions a seeker takes over the course of his or her life to gain insights into the questions above and to live in accordance with his or her continuously developing values, faith system or spiritual philosophy.
The spiritual journey is unique to each individual, of course; but it usually includes some combination of actions you’re already familiar with: attending religious services and observing related rites and rituals; reading scriptures and/or other religious or spiritual literature; engaging in spiritual practices such as prayer, meditation and contemplation; being of service to others; spending time in nature; listening to inspiring music; creating art; or doing anything else that invokes a sense of connection with that which is greater than self.
It also includes major encounters, events, and experiences that have had a profound effect upon the seeker. Examples: the death of a loved one, a lengthy spiritual retreat, a serious illness.
Why do people see spiritual directors?
Spirituality is experienced and demonstrated within the context of day-to-day life. We don’t question it much when we’re feeling good or celebrating achievements, successes, and joyful moments with family and friends. We usually deal with temporary unpleasantries or difficulties without questioning the cosmic scheme of things.
When we are faced with persisting problems, major challenges, crises, or tragedies, however, spirituality often comes to the forefront of our consciousness. In looking for answers, solace, or inspiration beyond this physical world, some of us turn to spiritual directors to help guide our search. More specifically, people seek the assistance of spiritual directors…
To explore their beliefs and disbeliefs about God.
To develop or deepen their relationship with God.
To clarify what living a spiritual life means to them.
To incorporate spiritual practices into their daily life.
To think through an important decision or change.
To work their way out of a dry period in their spiritual life.
To discern their true calling at their current stage of life.
To express their feelings and thoughts without fear of judgement.
To heal from past institutional/religious conditioning.
To heal from other spiritual wounds or hurts holding them back.
To feel accompanied, guided, and encouraged in their life.
To find meaning in an unwanted situation they are in.
How do spiritual directors help with those issues?
Spiritual directors don’t actually direct anyone to do anything. They work with people of all faiths and spiritual philosophies to help them look within and mine the wisdom and coping resources that are already embedded in their innate spirituality.
Toward this end, there are certain actions common to all good spiritual directors:
They create a safe and calm environment in which their directees can disclose what is going on for them in complete confidence.
They listen to those disclosures deeply, attentively, often intuitively, and always with compassion, empathy, and non-judgment.
They ask open-ended questions intended to help their directees look within and arrive at fruitful and personally authentic new thinking.
They neither impose their own religious or spiritual viewpoints on others, nor tell anyone what to think, feel or do.
Instead, they honor the intelligence and agency of their directees to form their own conclusions, make their own decisions, and walk a spiritual path of their own choosing.
What is a typical spiritual direction session like?
Most sessions last about an hour and are conducted either in person or virtually.
Each spiritual director will have his or her own way of beginning a session, though always in accordance with the directee’s consent or wishes. Some open with a moment of silence for getting centered. Others begin with a prayer or by invoking the presence and participation of the Holy Spirit. Many simply start by inquiring into the directee’s well-being and then asking if there are any top-of-mind issues that he or she wishes to address.
From there, the session becomes a conversation. The directee typically does most of the talking, but at certain points the director may offer facilitative guidance. For example:
If the directee has questions about a matter of faith, or about any other issue, for that matter, the director will answer them to the best of his or her knowledge, or may suggest helpful resources such as books, courses, or videos, or may make referrals to qualified professionals in the relevant fields.
If the directee is struggling with an important decision, the director may suggest various criteria, including spiritual ones such as the directee’s personal values or religious principles, by which the decision might be weighed.
If a directee expresses interest in learning about certain spiritual practices, such as Vipassana (Mindfulness) Meditation, Lectio Divina, or Metta (Loving-Kindness), the director may teach them those practices or make referrals to other instructors.
How does one choose a spiritual director?
The first step is to know where to look. Spiritual Directors International (sdicompanions.org) offers an expansive directory of dues-paying spiritual director members. It is searchable by state and the listings often include website links. You can also go online and use the search term “spiritual director” followed by your city or county to find local spiritual directors who may or may not be members of SDI.
If you are a member of a faith community and are comfortable revealing personal details of your life to someone whom you may see at services or church, synagogue, temple, or mosque events, you may find spiritual directors available there. Still another option is to contact any local spiritual retreat centers. Their staff may include spiritual directors, as well.
Once you know where to look, you may want to establish your selection criteria. These typically include your goals for spiritual direction and your personal preferences, as well as the spiritual directors’ credentials, fees, and availability.
Goals and preferences.
Regarding your goals, you may identify with some of those listed earlier; or you may have other reasons for seeking out spiritual direction. Either way, with your goal in mind you will likely get a sense of whether a spiritual director may be a good fit for you by way of their directory listing or website.
Regarding your personal preferences, here are some questions to consider:
Do you want someone of the same religion/denomination/spiritual philosophy?
Do you prefer a male or female? About your age? Older?
Do you want someone experienced with an issue you want to address?
Do you wish to meet in person or virtually?
Does their length of experience matter to you?
Credentials.
Spiritual direction is neither a licensed profession nor one that has any governing body. For this reason, you need to determine your own criteria where credentials are concerned. Here are a few questions to consider, depending on what is most important to you.
Has the individual undergone formal spiritual director training?
Have they served in some other pastoral or spiritual care role?
Do they have their own spiritual director?
Do they have a supervisor to whom they hold themselves accountable?
Have they faced significant challenges in their life?
What spiritual practices do they engage in?
The interview.
No matter what you read about a spiritual director online, you’ll want to talk with them first before booking a paid appointment. This may involve submitting an online request for a brief phone consultation, which virtually all practitioners offer at no charge; or you may be able to phone them directly. Either way, during your conversation, ask all the questions you want and you’ll likely get a sense of whether or not they’re a good match for you.
Cost.
If and when you find somebody who seems to be a good fit, you’ll want to address the matter of fees and availability. Many spiritual directors charge for their time on a sliding fee scale to accommodate motivated seekers whose means are truly limited. It is not only an act of kindness, but an act of trust. Should you be given the opportunity to set the fee, keep in mind that spiritual directors, like therapists and consultants, are professionals whose time is both valuable and limited.
Disclaimers.
On that last note, it is important to understand that spiritual directors are not psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, or social workers; nor are they qualified to offer medical, legal, or financial advice unless they happen to also be licensed in those fields. Your spiritual director may suggest that you seek the advice of such professionals should you express needs or concerns that are beyond the scope of spiritual direction.
A parting thought.
I listed earlier a number of reasons that people seek out spiritual directors. There is yet another for those for whom living a spiritually-centered life is of utmost importance: it is to keep themselves on track. When life feels good, it’s easy to become complacent, to let previously regular practices slide, and to lose consciousness of one’s essential spiritual nature. This is particularly true for those who do not regularly attend religious services or participate in spiritually-centric groups.
Seeing a spiritual director once a month can keep one’s consciousness of that spark of divinity within us alive and well.
—D.E.